"I have come to realize that just making yourself happy is most important. Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want, and to do what makes you happy. That's my life motto"
All the things I did wrong:
I: I relied on someone for my happiness.
II: I love people more than I love myself.
III: I never asked for help.
IV: I asked for help.
V: I opened up.
VI: I had hope.
- Go to a party and stay sober. Listen to the way your drunk classmates talk when they don’t plan to remember tonight when they wake up. Never talk about these experiences, just keep them for yourself.
- Start driving in one direction on the highway after school one day, pretending like you’re running away. Blast bad pop music and sing along. Stop in the suburbs when your mom calls you to come home, but buy your little brother a cupcake before you turn back around.
- Kiss your best friend. It doesn’t matter what sexuality or gender you are or they are. It doesn’t matter if it’s a peck or you escalate to tongue. You’ll laugh about it later, but it will always make you smile just for the memory.
- Smoke a cigarette. Let it burn your throat. Cough, loudly.
- Take a stand for something you believe in. When half your school laughs at you, take it with pride. Someone agrees, even if they’re too scared to say so.
- Make enemies. Make the kind of mistakes that cause your life to implode. Lose everyone and everything to these mistakes. Only when you fall will you find out that you can pick yourself back up.
- Sit on someone’s roof and talk for hours. Forget about dinner and tell your origin stories. Let your guard down while the dog barks below. Talk about god. Listen.
- Steal Bourbon from your parents’ liquor cabinet and put it in a water bottle beneath your bathroom sink. Spike your tea with it when you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Pour the whole thing down the drain when it’s too strong for you.
- Become a stereotype. Buy a record player and combat boots. Wear all black. Dye your hair bright blue and get your ear pierced three times. Don’t care when people laugh at you.
- Make wishes at 11:11. Wear your pajamas backwards in the hopes of a snow day. Look for answers at the bottom of a bottle. Pretend writing things on your arms makes you special. Believe in anything. Believe in everything. Open every book and look around every corner. You’ll never look like this or move like this or think like this again. Enjoy it while it lasts or hate every second. But feel. Feel every damn thing.
- Learn to put on your bracelets and zip up your dresses by yourself. There will be times when you will be alone.
- Get on a long plane ride. Look out the window. Understand the immensity of our world. Understand your insignificance. Understand your absolute importance.
- Press the send button. If you don’t say it now, you never will.
- Do not sneer at happiness or roll your eyes at sadness. Be aware that apathy is not healthy.
- You are more than the amount of people who want to have sex with you.
- That pit in your stomach when he doesn’t text you back, it shouldn’t be there. No one should be able to control you like that.
- Shopping is cathartic. Buy the shoes and deal with one-ply toilet paper for a while.
- It will get better, but it will never be perfect. Learn to live through the small moments of happiness. When they disappear, remember they will resurface.
- I promise that cookie will not change anything (except that it will make you smile).
- Please, please, take care of yourself. You are everything to somebody. You are everything to your self. That alone is enough.
Things I am scared of:
I: I won’t ever stop cutting myself
II: My love will always be unrequited.
III: I am never going to fully recover.
IV: All of my friends leaving me behind for glorious lifestyles.